My best friend died last week. Just like that. Nobody asked me.
When I learned about my friend’s sudden death on Facebook, my world collapsed. Although Rose and I never met, since she lived on the other side of the globe, she was my number one Facebook friend for six years. We talked almost every day and we were those kind of friends that knew each other fully and both felt the need to enlighten each other about everything we thought was important that day. We had no secrets and we would go through the same emotional developments. Since she was an artist too, we had a lot in common and there was no need to explain anything to each other. We knew, we understood. Don’t let anyone tell you that Facebook friendships are shallow. It’s bullshit. You reap what you sow, just like in real life.
After having been really down for three days, I now have reached the stage in which I have stopped crying so much, but in which getting back to work seems a useless thing to do. I have this overwhelming feeling that says: ‘Why bother.’ When Rose was alive, she usually was the first person to see my finished product and her opinion was very important to me. Now, it seems to me that I will start working on an artwork to only then end up in a gap. A void, an emptiness. My work doesn’t feel real if she hasn’t seen it. Her opinions went a lot further than: ‘Beautiful, you’re gifted, well done.’ She would tell me what was good, what was bad and why. I loved that. I needed that and I still do.
I know that Rose would have pushed me to keep on going. She would have said: ’Come on, Eva! Keep going!’ She was always encouraging me to take risks, to broaden my perspective and to try things that scared me. So that is what I will do now. But to be honest, I will do so based upon knowing this, not on a feeling that comes from the inside. The void is still there. But I guess it is a starting position nonetheless.
This time I will post a few artworks that are not mine, but Rose’s. And I will end this post by deciding to start working on my art again. Lives have to be lived. But I now will do so with Rose in my heart instead of in my life. But she will still be my best friend. My love is still there. Only a little louder than it used to be. It’s screaming in my ears. It is following me everywhere. Rose is still with me and she will still be the one guiding me.
Love, creation and inspiration are the basics of life. They don’t die. And having an open heart and mind to these principles will guarantee a full life, no matter how short it is. Rose knew that and I will continue to live like that in her stead.